Legal Antics: Legal Humor Round Up

See, the law really is funny! The following is my offer of proof:

Rule #1 for new prosecutors--It's like, totally not cool to date the defendant's mom. (Quizlaw)
I've been a bad, bad man--Catch me if you can! (The Legal Reader)
Yo, Mr. Manson--Love the music, the make up and the whole goth thing, but what's with all the skeletons? (Lowering the Bar)
Chicken suits for every john--That'll teach 'em...something. I'm not really sure what, though. (Quizlaw)
Sailors, sex talk and porn. Oh my!--Who woulda thunk it? (Legal Juice)
Hey, no fair! My dentist never dresses like a belly dancer!--But, then again, maybe that's a good thing. (Lowering the Bar)

See, the law really is funny! The following is my offer of proof:

1989? That long ago? Really? *giggle* Then I guess we shouldn't have arrested you, dude. No hard feelings?--My absolute favorite line from the post: "Great, firefighter Pete, thanks for playing." (Quizlaw)
Yo operator, these cops won't stop harassing me? Could you send a few more my way?--Yeah, that's the ticket! (Legal Juice)
Love is in the air--Murder, too. And, if that's not romantic, then I don't know what is. (Sui Generis)
Rock on, Judge. Rock on--Dignified? Nope. But can you blame him? (Quizlaw)
Honesty, the perfect defense--I can see it now. Defense counsel: Members of the jury, the prosecutor contends that my client lied and told the judge he was a homophobic, racist and habitual liar just to get out of jury duty. But I ask you, if he told the judge that he was a habitual liar and then proceeded to lie, was he really being untruthful? And if he subsequently caused a tree to fall in a forest and no one was around, would anyone actually hear it?

See, the law really is funny! The following round up is my offer of proof:

Can you really blame him?--A lawyer's gotta find an outlet for all that stress somehow. (Quizlaw)
Uh, no, no, no, no, no?--Doh! (The Party of the First Part)
They wanted cash in the envelope?--Crap. Who knew? (How Appealing)
I need some more time to complete discovery, your honor--A lot more time. I'll start reviewing the evidence. Today. Using my car's DVD player. At the outlet mall. Yes. Yes! Yes!!! (Quizlaw) (And, if this particular commentary makes no sense to you, you obviously did not read the first item above)
$29,000--That's just about enough to get a good boob job. Exxxcellent! (Sui Generis)

See, the law really is funny! The following round up is my offer of proof:

You're fired!--A serial arsonist sets himself on fire, and it's all caught on the surveillance tape of the store he just robbed. (Quizlaw)
Say it ain't so!--The New York State Bar Association's Family Law Section had no idea--no idea--that Sydnee Steele with the big bazoongas was a porn star. No idea I tell you! (Sui Generis)
Man Sues Over Long Lasting Erection--Kind of surprising since a lot of people would pay good money for that particular problem.(The Legal Reader)
Let it be--Sometimes judges should just stick to writing boring old opinions. (Quizlaw)
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!--And when your wife cheats on you, blackmail her lovers. (Legal Juice)

See, the law really is funny! The following round up is my offer of proof:

Bad idea #154--Calling in a bomb threat to the courthouse in an attempt to avoid your arraignment for a probation violation. (Quizlaw)
Top 3 ways to get on a jury's good side--1) Smile a lot 2) hug your lawyer, and most importantly 3) punch out a juror (Legal Juice)
Headline of the day--"Teacher Sues Kids Over Teddy Bear Movie" (Above the Law)
Must.have.more.chili-sauce.packets--Who knew Wendy was so stingy? (Lowering the Bar)
Was his behavior really so wrong?--After a summer of public transport in Italy, I was under the impression that this kind of thing was normal. (Quizlaw)

See, the law really is funny! The following round up is my offer of proof:

Baby's Got a Gun--Why shouldn't 10 month olds pack heat? I mean really, why not? (Quizlaw)
Whips, and Chains and Lawsuits, Oh My!--A nanny sues a dominatrix. It's hard to beat that. (Sui Generis)
Those Crazy Alaskan Judges and Their Strange Thermometers!--Wait a minute, you really can't say that to your employees? Well, why the hell not? (Legal Juice)

But, I Thought Happy Endings Were Standard--Yet another misunderstood judge. First he's banned from a university for sexually harassing students and then he's banned from a Florida resort for requesting a happy ending of sorts from a massage therapist. (Legal Reader)