Legal Antics

Intermittent posting this summer

Posting to this blog will be intermittent over the summer, since I've got a number of looming deadlines and need to focus. I'll post occasionally if I stumble across something priceless and will resume posting on a more regular schedule in September.

Have a great summer!

This guy must've failed his persuasive writing class

Professional White Guy - LONELY - 38 (The Beach in S. Jersey)

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Date: 2010-06-12, 12:53PM EDT

Reply To This Post

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Hello ladies:

I am a recently divorced white guy looking to find real love again. I am not trying to "hook up" and I don't want an escort. I won't sign up to any third site to "verify that I am real and over 18 or not a criminal or any other b.s. like that" so please don't bother asking.

I am 5'10, 185 pounds. I have short brown hair and brown eyes. I am a good looking guy, I keep myself in shape and I am not bald or fat.

I have been a lawyer for the past 11 years but I am quitting. Likewise, I am selling my house and moving, but only by about 150 feet next door, which is my parents house and is the house I expect to own some day. I am only doing this now because since I am divorced and selling my house, I need a place to stay and my father is old and sick and my mom needs help with him.....so, I am going to be the good son for a little while (until I go crazy) and try to help her with him until I figure out the next chapter of my life.

Like I said, I am selling my house, and quitting my job. I will be completely debt free for the first time in my life since I was about 17, which is a good feeling, and I own my car outright. I live in South Jersey (Cape May County) so I am about 5 minutes from Stone Harbor Beaches.

I do not have any kids but do hope to have one or 2 some day (an heir and a spare). I am hoping to meet a nice pretty white girl with a brain in her head, preferably Christian, who does NOT have any kids yet. Children need a father and if they already have one, I don't want to be Daddy No. 2. The only exception is if you are a widow. Then, thats a whole different story and I would have no problem with meeting you. I really miss having a woman in my life. I was very happily married but apparently my wife was not. This hurt in a way that I can not describe. So, I am trying to find a nice girl again and trying to pick a girl up at a bar is just not my style.

If you are around 30, and are looking to meet a nice white guy who is a few years older than you, and you are pretty and not fat and hopefully Christian (or at least not an atheist or a Muslim) then PLEASE....send me an email. We can chat as long as you wish before ever deciding to meet each other. I am not trying to rush anything, but damn, I am lonely and frustrated. I know there must be a lot of girls that fit the category of what I am looking for and I know that I have a lot to offer to the right one. So, give it a shot. We can go to the beach if you want....cocktails are on me!

Peace,

AJ
ps.....Pictures are nice!

• Location: The Beach in S. Jersey
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1788383950

Damn those stationary trucks that move.

Via Overheard in Court:

ATTORNEY: You were involved in an accident, correct?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: Can you tell the Jury what happened?

WITNESS: I collided with a stationary truck that was coming the opposite way.

Probably seemed like a good idea at the time.

Hat tip: America's Top DUI Lawyers blog

Doh!

Just Being Honest…

(pro se defendant cross-examining his accuser)

DEFENDANT: You sell drugs out of your house, don’t you?

WITNESS: No.

DEFENDANT: I know that’s a damn lie. I’ve bought weed and crack there myself.

Via Overheard in Court.

This guy didn't even try. Bandaids? Really?

Best lawyer advertising ever.

Via scaryideas.com

A reasonable defense strategy, no?

Answering machine hell

Image by Kichigai Mentat via Flickr

The following is one of the funnier stories from my tenure as an assistant Public Defender.

I was assigned to represent a guy with a long misdemeanor record on some sort of small charge--a petit larceny, if I recall correctly. He was one of literally hundreds of my clients (I usually had about 600 open misdemeanor files at any given time), about 50 of whom were incarcerated, including this guy--let's call him "Joe." I generally made it into the jail to see all of my clients once each week, although I tried to meet with them more often, if possible. I hadn't met with Joe yet, though, and, as I quickly learned, he was desperate to see me.

The only outgoing phone calls allowed from county lock up were collect calls. And we weren't allowed to accept collect calls from the jail. But, Joe still managed to get his message across.

If you haven't made a collect call from jail recently, let me explain how it works. After indicating that you're making a collect call, you have approximately 3 seconds to leave your name immediately following the automated announcement "You have a collect call from..."

Joe was all too familiar with this system, since he'd been in and out of it forever. And, he knew how to get around it. Until I was able to get to the jail to see him, he left about 10 messages in rapid succession on my voice mail each day, and they went something like this:

(Automated voice)You have a collect call from: "Ms. Black, it's Joe. You have to..." Would you like to accept it?

You have a collect call from: "Come down to the jail.." Would you like to accept it?

You have a collect call from: "Tonight to talk to me..." Would you like to accept it?

You have a collect call from: "Come see Joe, Ms...." Would you like to accept it?

You have a collect call from: "Ms. Black, PLEASE come see..." Would you like to accept it?

You have a collect call from: "Ms. Black, it's Joe..." Would you like to accept it?

Joe knew that he had about 3 seconds each time, and he took full advantage of each and every 3 second opening. It was quite creative, actually, but the novelty of it wore off by about the third message. After 2 days, I was thoroughly annoyed with Joe and his constant barrage of 3 second messages.

Fortunately, I was finally able to get down to the jail and shortly thereafter was able to dispose of his case quite favorably.

The next day, I was checking my messages, and to my chagrin, there was another set of messages from him. I sighed and thought, "What the hell does he want from me now?"

You have a collect call from: "Hey Ms. Black, it's..." Would you like to accept it

You have a collect call from: "It's Joe, Ms. Black..." Would you like to accept it?

You have a collect call from: "I just wanted to tell..." Would you like to accept it?

You have a collect call from: "Thanks Ms. Black..." Would you like to accept it?

You have a collect call from: "Thanks for your help..." Would you like to accept it?

I actually laughed out loud. That was the last thing I'd expected. I didn't get thanked all that often in that job. And I certainly hadn't expected it from Joe. It made my day.

That's one way to get a response.