Legal Antics

Mmmm, chicken.

Judge - Mr. States Attorney are you going to agree to continue this case?

State - Yes Judge. Counsel gave me a courtesy call so I have already called off my witnesses. 

Judge - Oh you did that without checking with me? I thought I set the calendar. Fine all you lawyers just get to make up my calendar. Set my schedule. Next thing you are going to tell me what I'm having for dinner.  

State - Chicken.

Judge - (walks off the bench)

Hat tip: On the record in Cook County

Watch the latest lawtechTalk episode for FREE

This screencast features, and is sponsored by, the following legal technology products:

• Firmex--provides secure, virtual data rooms, which can be used in a legal corporate environment to manage online due diligence, exchange closing drafts, create digital record books, share litigation documents and secure client access to important files.

• Mavenlink--provides an online collaborative workspace that allows lawyers to manage a client's case from start to finish, including uploading and collaborating on documents with clients and communicating with clients about their case in a secure, easily viewable environment.

In this episode of lawtechTalk, like the last episode, I'm experimenting with a new format. During each screencast and demo, I'll be interviewing a representative from each company. Hopefully this interactivity will make the screencast even more interesting for you, the viewer.

There are 3 parts to this episode, which you can access by scrolling through and clicking on each segment below:

She's got a point--it really does hurt.

Hat tip: Simple Justice

The expression "open mouth, insert foot" takes on a whole new meaning.

YOUNG W/ PRETTY FEET? Fast Easy Cash! - 39 (Manhattan)

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Date: 2010-01-22, 12:47PM EST

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Handsome Attorney in Manhattan looking for one pretty younger girl age 18-21. 6'3" athletic SWM.

Very simple, safe & fun scenario. I want to enjoy & suckle on your feet. NO SEX OR ANYTHING ELSE.

I come visit you, enjoy your feet for about 20 minutes, leave some cash on your nightstand & then we'll say our goodbye's.

I've done this with dozens of young girls in Manhattan and it's always a positive experience!

No small talk! Must send a pic to be considered. $75 for 20 minutes.

She'll...ahem..settle for cds.

Image by absoblogginlutely via Flickr

Hot Tax Attorney Still Looking - w4m - 27 (Financial District)

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Date: 2010-01-17, 2:54AM EST

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Need someone to screw me on tax forms as the ultimate . Must be hot nubile boy and resemble Chace Crawford. If you have current tax forms I would be open to going to your place and screwing on them. I will settle for Turbo Tax cds

Being able to compute taxes while doing me from behind is a must. I will provide a calculator but you'll have to show your work! :)

Maybe boozy brunch at Balthazaar in the morning?

Send sufficient pics and I'll reply

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1556540027

Dos & don'ts of law firm life

Image by darksideracoon via Flickr

Via the Slaw blog (check out the comments at the blog for even more):

Rule #408 Don’t lay claim to your personal coffee mug by mass e-mail.

Rule #78 It is impossible to send an e-mail longer than two paragraphs without a typo.

Rule #765 A managing partner should never walk the halls in stocking feet.

Rule #189 Docketing “twittering” to client development is sure to invite ridicule.

Rule #685 Don’t hang a picture of yourself wearing a bathing suit in your office.

Rule #441 If you’re under 50 and using a fountain pen you’re trying too hard.

Rule #210 Make funny faces and adoring comments when a new baby visits no matter what you’re thinking.

Rule #923 Telling colleagues their voice message is out of date is not an act to win friends.

I sure feel safe flying now...

Via the Fail Blog:

In honor of the Simpsons 20th anniversary...

Image via Wikipedia

Lionel Hutz: And so, ladies and gentleman of the jury I rest my case.

Judge: Hmmm. Mr. Hutz, do you know that you're not wearing any pants?

Lionel Hutz: DAAAA!! I move for a bad court thingy.

Judge: You mean a mistrial?

Lionel Hutz: Right!! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy.

Judge: You mean the lawyer?

Lionel Hutz: Right.

Well if he says he's "humble", it must be true.

Hot Lawyer Seeks New Year's Sex - m4w - 30 (Dupont Circle)

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Date: 2010-01-08, 4:19PM EST

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I've been working endlessly, and now that the new year has rolled around, I'm finding myself with some unexpected free time. The thing is, I’m horny and in need of a spectacular woman for spectacular sex. Is that woman you?

As for me, I’m 5’10”, white, in great shape, and have sandy blond hair and blue eyes. Many women have stopped me the street to compliment my style, and I tend to have refined sensibilities. British comedy makes me laugh, and my dry wit is a reflection of that. For work I’m a lawyer. Though I love my profession, I always love pursuing my other passions.

If you’d like to enjoy an evening of passion with this humble lawyer - email me telling me about yourself. If you include a pic, you’ll get one of me.

• Location: Dupont Circle
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1543597912

An example of how law school changes everything.

And because She's Your Sister

Drunk law student, down on one knee: Will you marry me?

Drunk girl he just met, giggling: Of course!

Drunk law student to friend five minutes later: That's not binding if it's just oral, right?

--Daytona Beach, Florida

via Overheard at the Beach, Jan 31, 2008