Legal Antics

Don't look at me. I didn't say it.

Via The Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:

Fact or fiction? You decide.

A joke for your reading enjoyment:

A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch.

The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed.

The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."

Law school is as lame as...PC guy

Hat tip:  Simple Justice.

A Judge With a Sense of Humor?

Perhaps.

My offer of proof:  U.S. District Judge Beverly B. Martin's first footnote in an Order in MC Asset Recovery v. Southern Co., No. 1:06-cv-00417:

1 Essentially, in the spirit of an old Woody Allen joke, Southern requests more time to finish a deposition that it apparently believes has not been very helpful.  According to the joke, “two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of ‘em says, ‘Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.’  The other one says, ‘Yeah, I know; and such small portions.’”  See Annie Hall (Rollins-Joffe Prods. 1977).

This is your lawyer. This is your lawyer on drugs.

A Taser? Sweet!

Lawyer, offering cigarette: Need one?
Non-smoking secretary: I'm gonna need something a lot stronger to deal with you today!
Lawyer, exiting door to smoke: Top, right desk drawer in my office.

Law office
Indiana

via Overheard in the Office, Dec 13, 2007

USA! USA!

Not at all law-related, but too funny not to share:

Trust me. She knows of what she speaks.

Via Ipse Dixit, a list of things one should avoid bringing to court:

• The complaining witness on your violation of a protective order case
• your Corona t-shit to your DUI case
• your weed
• the six children you watch in day care
• your alcohol laden breath
• your pimp
• your fake ID
• your fake community service papers
• your fake alcohol program papers
• your fake doctor's note
• your fake alibi witness

And, one of my favorites from my Drug Court rotation back in the good ol' days when I was a PD:  a hollow dildo filled with someone else's dirty urine.  There are ways to avoid testing positive if you've been using--this particular technique is not one of them.

How about "kiss my grits"?

Tip o' the day--If you happen to live in South Carolina and a judge just revoked your probation, adding the following after your John Hancock on the judge's order is probably not a great idea:  "Kiss my ass."

And, that's not just my opinion, it's the opinion of the South Carolina Court of Appeals.

Hat tip:  Lowering the Bar.

A new term of art.

A police report that I read the other day described the defendant's clothing as follows: jeans, wife beater.

That's right, wife beater.  In a police report. 

Do you think he learned that at the police academy?

Programming note.

This blog will be on a brief hiatus for the next week as this blogger soaks up some much-needed sun in Florida.  Posting will resume in one week.