Legal Antics

Well said, counselor. Well said.

From the archives of our sister blog, Sui Generis, comes the following:

Well, She Was Lying Down in the Bed

Lawyer: Then why did you have sex with your cousin while she was sleeping?

Client: I honestly thought she wanted it. Really, I would never do anything to hurt her. I think of her like a sister.

Lawyer: Perhaps we shouldn't put you on the witness stand. 2605 E. Cliff Road Burnsville, Minnesota

via Overheard in the Office, May 26, 2005

Posting update

This blog is on a brief hiatus and posting will be intermittent until late December. Enjoy the holidays!

But of course. There are no guarantees in life.

Via The Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:

Yet another thing they didn't teach us in law school.

5PM Coddery Barn?

Lawyer on cell: ... But where am I supposed to find a codpiece?!

Park Central Drive
Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Disturbed Paralegal

via Overheard in the Office, Dec 14, 2007

What was that Mr. President?

Wait a minute--you can't bill for that?

Tom: I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.

Jerry: Why do you say that?

Tom: Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25.00'.

Is this a trick question?

Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"

Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."

Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"

Witness: "Er...his face."

Good question, Santa.

Via The Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:

Sometimes lawyer jokes can be amusing. Sometimes.

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go — and couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer to Mars."

Just stand still and be quiet, Mr. President. It's the safest strategy.

For my Republican and/or conservative readers, I apologize, but there's just too much material out there.  It would be a crime to ignore it all: