Legal Antics

Well this guy's creative...

Cute lawyer seeking very attractive girl needing free Green Card - 31 (Midtown East)

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Date: 2010-05-22, 4:39PM EDT

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The title pretty much says it all I guess, but that is what I am looking for. I am a U.S. born citizen and a lawyer, and I am familiar with the petitions that need to completed and I have also represented clients at their interviews at teh USCIS. Lately, I've seen many of my friends getting married, and I wonder if the institution of marriage is for me, so I figured I'd do this, which is a win-win situation for both of us. I'll get to find out in 2.5 years (the time it takes to get a Permanent GC) whether I'm able to live with someone, be with someone, every day, etc., and you will have a permanent green card and will be able to stay in the country legally for the rest of your life. I am NOT interested in monetary compensation because, technically, that's a crime, but what I'm offering is not. However, since I am not asking for money, and since I have to be with you for approximately 2.5 years (if we actually fall in love, even better; if not, we can file for an uncontested divorce, which is very easy), I would strongly prefer that you be very attractive. Not just attractive. Not attractive in your eyes. But objectively attractive. You know who you are. All very beautiful women know they are beautiful. As for me, I'm 30, handsome, employed (we'd live comfortably), in-shape, and treat women with respect. Ideally, you're on the petite side, light eyes, ideally from an English-speaking country (like England, or Canada), in-shape, and fun to be around. In addition, you won't have to pay for rent or bills while you're living with me (I'll pay those since I'd be paying those whether I'm married or single). If you are going to respond, then respond and tell me about yourself. I'm not going to respond to 1-sentence emails or emails that just ask for a picture. I look forward to hearing from some girls who want to become Americans:-)

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1754412813

From what I know of cops...probably both.

Image via Wikipedia

When I think about you I . . .

Public Defender (to witness) - Just to clarify, were the police officers touching themselves or touching someone else?

(Via On the Record in Cook County.)

Get over it Diane. No biggie.

These days, pretty much everything is suspicious, I guess.

Don't judge them. When business is tough, you do what you can.

Episode #9: Keep track of your time using Chrometa, which offers time tracking software for lawyers

Image by kylemac via Flickr

I've just released a new lawtechTalk episode that you can watch for FREE.

Episode #9 (Part 1 & Part 2) features, and is sponsored by Chrometa, which offers time tracking software for attorneys. Part 1, the introduction, is approximately 7 minutes long and Part 2, the demo and interview portion, is approximately 10 minutes long.

In this episode of lawtechTalk, you'll learn how Chrometa helps you track your time, allowing you to keep track of and bill for time that you would have otherwise forgotten about. Chrometa operates quietly in the background on your PC, logging all the time that you spend on your computer, as you view documents and emails, use applications, make phone calls, attend meetings, and everything else that you do on a day-to-day basis.

During this episode I interview Brett Owens, the CEO and one of the co-founders of Chrometa.

There are 2 parts to this episode, which can be viewed here: Part 1 & Part 2.

Any Star Trek reference is a winner in my book.

Image via Wikipedia

Spock, can you hear me?

JUDGE: Is there anything else you would like to say before I pass sentence?

DEFENDANT: Yes, Kirk to Enterprise- Beam me up.

Via Overheard in Court

Gee Mister, you sure look nice in those bike shorts.

Image by richardmasoner via Flickr

Over at one of my other blogs, Sui Generis, I'm occasionally posting stories from my years as an Assistant Public Defender. Here's one that's pretty funny, in my humble opinion.

During my first year as an Asst. PD, I was assigned to represent a guy who was charged with exposing himself--a misdemeanor. The accusatory alleged that he pulled down his pants while in his mother's back yard and told a man who was riding by on his bike that he "sure looked nice in those bike pants."

Sounds pretty cut and dry, right? Well, it turns out my guy was mentally disabled. He was functional, but he definitely had issues. And, not just mental issues--physical issues as well. Urinary issues, to be exact.

When I first met him, he told me all about his urinary incontinence issues. Apparently, he had sudden, overwhelming urges to urinate, and he had a tendency to whip it out wherever he happened to be. And, he was in the process of doing so on the day in question, when a guy rode by on his bike, and my client felt the need to compliment him on his biking attire. It was fairly obvious to me that my client was being sincere. And it was pretty clear that the guy was mentally challenged. If nothing else, that was quite obvious.

The ADA and I were both new at the job, and handled only misdemeanors. Generally, we only dealt with a slew of shoplifting cases from the mall, occasional assaults, and minor property damage (It wasn't until we were promoted to city court that we were exposed to the dirty underside of human existence: drugs, prostitution, public lewdness--the revolving door of the criminal justice system). We weren't sure what to do with him. He had minimal contacts with the criminal justice system, but the case wasn't a typical case for a suburban town court.

We discussed my client's case briefly and decided to adjourn it so that we could talk to higher ups at our respective offices for guidance.

On the adjourned date, my client approached me and pressed a manila envelope exploding at the seams into my hands. He advised me that it contained medical records that established his medical condition and thus his need to drop trousers whenever the need arose. As he walked away from me, I started to remove the documents from the folder when I noticed that they were damp--peculiarly damp. And, they smelled funny. They smelled kind of like--urine.

Somehow, I managed to keep my lunch down. I'm still not sure how.

I held the driest corner of the envelope between my thumb and forefinger and quickly approached the judge's clerk. I asked her if we could call my guy's case right away. As soon as his case was called, I asked to approach the bench and explained the situation to both the judge and ADA. "I swear. He peed on the papers. Here, see for yourself. Can't we just unload this one now?"

Surprisingly, they weren't all that interested in examining my urine-soaked offering.

The good news was that the ADA had spoken to his supervisor, and was authorized to extend a very reasonable offer. We gladly accepted it and my mentally disabled, urinary challenged, client was free to leave.

My parting advice to him was try to pee in the bushes in the future--and to keep his fashion opinions to himself.

I couldn't make it to the end of this one. I feel unclean.

'DADDY/DAUGHTER' role play with handsome, generous lawyer 'Dad' - m4w - 64 (New Jersey, Rockland Cnty, NY, near Pa )

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Date: 2010-04-16, 11:41AM EDT

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PROLOGUE;
A very recent and very successful 'Daddy/Daughter' scenario just mutually concluded most amicably-truly!

I am a handsome, very youthful and very active 64 year old Caucasian Jewish gentleman from Morris County, NJ, recently retired corporate lawyer, 6' 4" tall, 230 pounds, strong, fit, healthy-member upscale health club/spa/gym/large pool in/outdoor, more and attending 3-4 x per week and you can be my guest anytime you like, non smoker, upscale, upbeat, humorous, trustworthy, dependable, discreet and safe for you and having no particular skin color, religion or ethnicity in mind, is seeking a fine female of age 25 and up-employed or not, married or not, who would like to fully role play as my 'daughter'.

It is springtime now and nice weather is upon us, soon summer and there are soooooo many super nice activities a Daddy and Daughter can do together-really, I am not just saying this.
In addition, I am a well rated dice and blackjack player and in addition to doing day trips to Atlantic City, I can easily book one or more nights there and soon in May for 3-4 days to Niagara Falls, Canada-Fallsview Casino Resort Hotel, Niagara Falls, Ontario Canada-Google this grand and beautiful new place, but a passport is needed and then to Las Vegas this year.
I know how to treat a 'daughter' very well when she is a good girl and even better when she is a bad girl.

We would have regular erotic and intense sexual meetings, as schedules permit, in a situation with you as my 'daughter'.
This would result in mutually complete sexual satisfaction and fulfillment and emotional contentment-I have real and very successful experience in this type of situation.
I believe that sexual fulfillment must not be denied, as it is as important to the well being of a person desiring to be as healthy as possible, as the basic needs of food and shelter.

Fine dining, various types of gifts from Victoria Secret, Bloomingdales and other fine shops, travel outings to resort areas, as Atlantic City, beaches, country and other resort areas and similar destinations will be part of our situation, if and when you so desire these.
I have much free and flexible time to fit around your schedule.

Just about all that my dearest 'daughter' may desire, as your 'Daddy' wants to please and spoil you, my 'daughter'.
We will have much fun and attain mutual happiness, all of which will make our respective private home lives to become much smoother.

Your married 'Daddy' needs you and you need me-my loooooooong time spouse and I are friends with no sex play.
Lost to cancer in early 2009 was my lovely bi sexual female lover of 15 years.
If you are bi curious or bi sexual, we will fulfill that side of you, together, as a team.

Contact me now my dear 'daughter', with your details and photos and I will reply promptly to all sincere females with my photos and private cell number.
Please be assured,that whatever may go on between us, will stay with us only!

Do not be bashful-be open and honest as I am here and reply to your 'Daddy'.
In addition, I will answer any questions that you may have.
You will be very pleased with me when we meet-you can ask my mom in Florida how great I am and she will tell you so-I hope!

Should you feel that you are not young enough to be my 'daughter', I will offer other sexually erotic and fulfilling scenarios for our discussion.
Please reply to this ad if you are a sincere interested female of age 25 and up.

I am real and sincere, please be the same-NO SUGAR DADDY or similar type seekers.

Please place the word 'DADDY' in the subject line of your reply and I will open your message reply knowing that you are a real female.

Hugs and kisses to you, dearest daughter-I luv to kiss and cuddle and luv lots!

Bad grammar are coming...