Legal Antics

Brief hiatus

I'll be taking a week or two off from blogging, but never fear, I shall return!

You didn't learn that in law school either?

11AM Elvira Also Believes Her Doctor Is Psychic

Woman on phone: I got a letter from the insurance agency. What should I do?

Lawyer: What does the letter say?

Woman: Aren't you a lawyer?

Lawyer: Yes, but I need to see what the letter says.

Woman: You're e a lawyer. You should know these things.

Lawyer: Without reading it, I don't know.

Boston, Massachusetts
via Overheard in the Office, Aug 21, 2009

Hello Ladies!

Lawyer Still Seeking Travel Companion - 51 (River Oaks)

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Date: 2009-08-21, 8:03PM CDT

Reply To This Post

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I first posted this yesterday, and so far I've received responses from nothing but robot scammers trying to get me to join their dating websites. I assure you, I am a real person. I am sincerely looking for a travel companion. Anybody real out there interested in a wonderful roadtrip, all expenses paid by me? You must like dogs as I will be bringing mine. She's a sweet old pup. So am I.


Hello Ladies:

I am planning my twice-annual roadtrip to Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Arizona, and New Mexico. I've made this two-week run many times before with just myself and my brilliant and beautiful Chesapeake Bay Retriever. This trip I'd like to try traveling with a female companion as well as my dog. I'll be leaving in late September.

My regular roadtrips consist of visits to National Parks, Museums, Antique Stores, and anything else I can find that's interesting and fun. My ideal travel companion would like to laugh alot, rock and roll, take scenic drives, and generally enjoy life and the road.

As for me: I'm 6'2", 200 pounds, and damned good-looking I'm told (but you know how people lie). I'm extremely liberal in my views, so Republicans, please don't waste your time or mine. I'm part comedian and part left-wing Hell-raising Criminal Defense Lawyer. I promise that you will be entertained and amused. My sense of humor is neither clean nor politically correct, so if you're easily offended, then please don't bother.

Your age and religion are not important to me, but I must be honest and admit that I am looking for a reasonably attractive and smart woman that I can spoil on vacation. Could that be you?

Be brave and let's find out. First let's email, then talk on the phone, then please let me take you out to dinner a few times to see if we're compatible enough to pull this off. I've never sought out a travel mate this way before, and I'm not expecting much in the way of a response. So surprise me and let's give it a shot.

I have many references if you wish to check me out. Even my exes will vouch for me. I'm a nice guy and I strongly believe in respecting women. I'm quite proud of my reputation both personally and professionally. Let's take a roadtrip!

• Location: River Oaks
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1335730033

And people say our court system is inefficient.

Via the Fail Blog:

NYC Social Media Conference for Lawyers 9/21

On September 21, 2009, in New York City I will be a speaker at Social Media: Risks & Rewards.

This comprehensive, dynamic event will explore the inherent challenges of social media and will arm you with the specific tools necessary to protect your company, your intellectual property and your reputation in today’s virtual world.  Find out how to safeguard yourself and your business through insightful sessions focused on:

• The Social Media Sensation: Pressure to Keep up in the Digital Age
• Exposure, Liability and Consequences of Your Business and Social Media
• Develop your Company’s Corporate Policy for Social Media
• Protecting your Company’s Identity in a Virtual World
• Risks from Employees Past, Present and Future
• Safeguarding your Company’s Intellectual Property
• Best Practices for Social Media.

Challenges from Social Media are only one inappropriate “tweet” away.  Register for this timely program today and ensure you understand the inherent perils of the market and construct the proper policies to protect your company and ensure future growth.

I will be on this panel: Your Business and the Social Media Sensation.

There is a discount for friends and family (and blog readers). If you want to attend,  just visit the conference website at www.corpcounsel.com/socialmedia and use the code SPK for $100.00 off.

I had to include this one just for the Google hits this blog's gonna get.

I'm thinking these two winners are the lawyers whokeep trying to find "dates" on Craigslist.  Who's with me on this one?

The End Of Western Civilization: An OINY Short Story.

Lawyer #1: I saw this funny video on YouTube last night. I did a search for "retards" and there was this one called "retarded Britney Spears fan." It was a retard singing one of her songs.

Lawyer #2: Have you seen 2 Girls 1 Cup?

Lawyer #1: I was able to watch about two seconds of it before I had to click it off.

Lawyer #2: Did you see the one called "extreme pain"? I could only watch about five seconds of it. A guy was cutting off his own dick.

Lawyer #1: That's some sick shit. How's your cat?

Lawyer #2: You should see her. She rolls over on her back and my dog licks her between the legs for a long time, then smacks his lips.

Lawyer #1: You should video that and put it on YouTube. Call it "eating pussy." You'll get a million hits!

--Civil Court, 141 Livingston St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry
via Overheard in New York, Aug 10, 2009

See? Crime really does pay.

See, cops really can be understanding.

Via Texts From Last Night:

(972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

(1-972): I want to be a cop.

When lawyers invade social media.

Via Courtoons:

A healthy dose of pessimism never hurts a viral video.

Via the Legal  Blog Watch, first there was the happy Jill and Kevin's wedding dance.  Lawyers looked at it and offered their own healthy does of reality: the JK Divorce Dance.  Don't you just love lawyers?