Legal Antics

Sometimes an abuse of discretion's not such a bad thing.

Via Courtoons:

You think she'll need to sign on the dotted line to close the deal?

Lawyer seeking mistress / girlfriend - 33 (Austin)

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Reply to: pers-vh9mx-1272434131@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-07-15, 11:57PM CDT

If you've read this far, you must not think I'm a total asshole, so I guess I'll just be direct as to what I'm looking for.

First off, I love my wife and have no intention of leaving her for anyone. I just don't love fucking her. The sex is old, stale, and sporadic. We don't have kids, so no worries about you being a total homewrecker or anything. But don't think that I'm about to leave her, either. That said, here's a bit about me and what I'm looking for.

I like the finer things in life. I eat at five star restaurants, stay at five star hotels, and fly first class. I go to lawyer conferences three or four times a year in such "work-friendly" venues as the Bahamas, Hawaii, etc. I'd like someone to come with me on those trips. You'll be on your own during the day, but hang out with me during the evening. I get invited to some very nice parties during these trips, and I'd love for you to come along. So hopefully you look nice in a cocktail dress and know how to talk to people. I won't be bringing you to any firm functions, because it would be beyond tacky since everyone knows I'm married here in Austin. But in Maui, it's a different story.

I see us getting together a couple or three times a week. Sometimes just for dinner and drinks, other times for something more initimate. I don't imagine too many sleepovers at your place during the week though, lol. Your place. Hmmm... If things work between us for a while, we could figure out a nice place for you to stay. I don't have a problem with putting you up in a luxury apartment, but that's something we'd talk about after we've been seeing each other for a while and agree we enjoy each others' company. Anyway, like I said there wouldn't be sleepovers but there would definitely be some nice dinners and evenings together. I have a profitable but stressful job, and I like to set all that shit aside sometimes. So I'd throw the Blackberry aside, and we'd go get some drinks, maybe see a movie, chill for a while, etc. I'm a big fan of his & hers day spa packages, and if I don't have a good steak dinner once a weak, I'm pissy.

So what's in it for you? Well, I'm a great guy. Lol. I also like to play real life Barbie, meaning that every week we spend together is likely to mean your wardrobe grows. If you like nice clothes and lingerie, well, I like to see you in them and get off paying for them. I can't hire you, but I can say that I did on your resume and provide you with one hell of a reference. I also contribute enough to U.T. that a recommendation letter from me may help you get into a nice grad program if that's your thing. I'm not going to just straight up give you money, as I'm not looking for a prostitute. (Really.) But if you need clothes, a new phone/computer/etc., I'll hook you up. If you and I click in a major way, an apartment and a car is a possibility. When i say click, I mean we'd actually have to enjoy hanging out together and being around each other.

You probably want to know what kind of shit I like to do. Well, I like to drink. :) I like going to the Alamo Drafthouse... steak or Italian joints... the occasional club. I'm not a real 6th street club kind of guy. I'd rather get some booze and movies, head back to your place, and have some laughs and fun. Fun doesn't always mean sex, either. Yeah, I'm hoping that you're hot enough I'm going to want to be inside you every day. But I'm also looking for someone to just put reality aside and relax with. Sometimes that will mean you and me on a couch, watching a nice movie, snuggling for a bit, and just the two of us enjoying our time away from the real world.

I think I've rambled enough for one night. Let me know if you think this sounds interesting...

• Location: Austin
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1272434131

Wait. They offer those in court? NYC is so craaazy.

Via the New York Personal Injury Law Blog:

In Bronx Supreme Court today, a woman calling out "Hand Jobs! Hand Jobs!"

My inquisitive correspondent found that McLean v. Hand Jobs, Inc. (Index #350502/2008) was on for a Preliminary Conference before Justice Suarez and defense counsel was looking for plaintiff's counsel.

Defendant is a car wash.

No word yet on whether the day had a happy ending. The doctrine of unclean hands is rumored to be at issue.

Touché , Mr. Squirrel. Touché .

Via Courtoons:

Why, he's perfect--and on Craigslist. Things that make you say "hmmm".

Handsome, Successful, Funny Lawyer Looking for Hot College Girl 18-25 - 28

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Date: 2009-07-18, 8:31AM PDT

Reply To This Post

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This is for all you lovely college girls out there who are looking for a hot, smart, mature guy. I am a recent law school grad looking to meet a fun, fresh-faced girl going to school and making something of her life. Please be at least 18, but preferably no older than 25. I think young girls have lots of energy just like myself. I have dated lots of older women, but am looking to meet somebody closer to my generation. I would like somebody who is sweet and fun and not dramatic or flaky or jaded.

If you are sick of the fratboys and dorks, here is your chance to meet a very handsome young guy who is educated and smart, but also has a great body and sweet smile. I am exciting to be around and can keep you entertained, but also have done much more in my life than the typical college guy. I have traveled all over the world and am really cultured, not to mention sexy and sensual. If you are an attractive college girl, drop me an email with a pic, then I will do the same.

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1276291342

The complimentary burglar--the best kind.

Via KFYRnew.com, a note left by a teenage burglar:

Sometimes, the truth hurts.

Via Courtoons:

Start a blog--get a job

I'm proud to announce that I'm now a contributing blogger at one of my favorite law blogs, Lawyerist.

My first post, "Start a blog-get a job," explains how blogging can help attorneys who were recently recently laid off, are new graduates, or are returning to the law after a planned hiatus, get a job.

I was also recently interviewed at Law.com’s legal tech blog.

Check it out!

I'm proud to announce that I'm now a contributing blogger at one of my favorite law blogs, Lawyerist.

My first post, "Start a blog-get a job," explains how blogging can help attorneys who were recently recently laid off, are new graduates, or are returning to the law after a planned hiatus, get a job.

I was also recently interviewed at Law.com’s legal tech blog.

Check it out!

Camping-the solution to legal discontent?

The Intro to Every Horror Movie from the 80's, in a Nutshell

Male 30-something lawyer: I'm looking forward to this weekend. Me and my girlfriend are going camping.

Male 50-something lawyer: The only thing I have left to look forward to is a quick, painless death.

Male 30-something lawyer: Have you ever been camping?

--Livingston St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry
via Overheard in New York, Jul 9, 2009

Honesty-the best policy.

Disgruntled Lawyer Seeks Hot Girl for Broken Plans and Disappointment - 33 (Lower East Side)

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Reply to: pers-jgmm9-1258273540@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-07-07, 5:02PM EDT

Hi there, I'm a depressed overweight overworked balding lawyer that hates his job and suffers from loneliness and high blood pressure. I'd like to meet a fun, carefree, hot girl 5 or more years younger than me who is impossibly out of my league in the looks department. I will make dates with you and usually break them because I often have to work late nights and weekends because I'm a corporate slave. Unfortunately my expectations for women are extremely high due to over a decade of viewing unrealistically hot girls in porn. Also, I'm up to my eyeballs in debt due to the educational loan sharks that got me into this mess. If you think you might be a good match, email me with pics. Thanks!

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1258273540