Legal Antics

Examples of how *not* to advertise

Via Esquire, Five Lawyer Ads That Make Any Supreme Court Candidate Look Brilliant:

And there are pictures, too!

Handsome, Sweet & Hung Lawyer Coming to Town - Tuesday Night Only - m4w - 29 (My Hotel - Midtown)

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Reply to:pers-caumt-1188942101@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-05-26, 2:31AM EDT

So you pretty much have all the facts now...I am coming into the city on business and will be staying at a very nice hotel right on Central Park...I would love to meet a sexy woman who is looking to enjoy herself and show me what these sexually aggressive women from NYC are all about :) (paging Samantha from Sex in the City, haha). I know my hotel is going to be nice, but the only catch is that I will probably have to work late tomorrow night, so we might not be able to meet up until 10 or even 11 PM.

Anyway, since you already know how us lawyers dress, some other details that I can add are that I am tall and very funny...I tend to like women who are very outgoing and aren't afraid to take a chance every now and again. And obviously, our chemistry comes down to how we get along mentally, as well as how much we find each other attractive, physically.

And for the record, I am definitely not married, nor even in a relationship...I really just want to have some fun while I am in town.

• Location: My Hotel - Midtown
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

********
BONUS!!!!

PICTURES of his...ahem..manliness can be found at Craigslist

Sadly, I'm not even kind of surprised that this occurred.

His Private Life Is Irrelevant, Counselor.

Attorney on conference call: Your honor, opposing counsel is beating a dead whore!

New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Glad she's not a dead whore

via Overheard in the Office, May 26, 2009

What is a "tort" anyway?

Via Courtoons comes the following:

Not sure of that would have passed the character and fitness test.

Via Texts From Last Night, one of my newest favorite blogs (created by lawyers, coincidentally), comes the following:

(919): I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.

Because muscles make the lawyer.

Via Craiglist:

looking for a young handsome ruthless lawyer with a back bone (needed north of the city)

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Reply to: job-ykxc4-1141217470@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-04-26, 4:00PM EDT

I am looking for a young, dark haired, muscular, confident ballsy lawyer who is willing to fight for me in court against an asshole husband. All the lawyers around here are either old or timid. The judge here is always for the man so you have to be able to get the truth out without being intimidated or letting them shut you up. I would like you to be tall and very confident. You will have to make sure HE has to pay ALL lawyers fees. I will meet you in the daytime to talk. Answer this ad please.

• Location: needed north of the city
• Compensation: talk when we meet
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1141217470

Smart guy, that associate.

Via Courtoons:

Sometimes it's not so bad being a lawyer...

A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens. He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go.

The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade. He claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.

They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine. As he looks up at the release mechanism, he says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem..."

Henry sounds like a real winner.

Looking for a young, sexy secretary (Ann Arbor)

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Reply to: mcbrands@live.com ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-04-15, 4:10PM EDT

I'm a defense attorney with my own profitable law practice in Ann Arbor. I have recently purchased a small building for my new office on the west side of town and I'm looking for a young, sexy female administrative assistant to join me there.

The position will be full-time. On top of traditional office duties such as answering calls, filing, schedule management, etc., I am looking for a girl who will go above and beyond what a normal secretary does - and be discreet about it. If you're willing to do that, you're probably right for the position. In total, the position will pay $1200-$1500 a week + benefits.

If interested, please send me the following:
-age, physical description (height, weight, chest/waist/hip measurements)
-description of previous work experience
-pics

I am 38 years old, 6'0", 170 lbs, athletic and fairly attractive. I would be happy to provide pics or more info at your request.

If there is a mutual interest, we'll schedule an interview.

-Henry

• Location: Ann Arbor
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $1,200-$1,500 a week

PostingID: 1123987440

Who's Joining Me at the "Get A Life" Conference-May 27-28th?

UPDATE:  New pricing announced!

• VIP Package: $750 - Includes Get A Life.™ Conference, Cocktail Hour at Millenium Park Grill, Presidents' Dinner, Wrigley Rooftop Cubs Game, FREE 1 Year Membership to Total Practice Management Association, Materials CD, Access to Conference Online Videos
• Standard Conference & Wrigley Rooftop Package: $600 - Includes Get A Life.™ Conference, Wrigley Rooftop Cubs Game, Cocktail Hour at Millenium Park Grill, FREE 1 Year Membership to Total Practice Management Association, Materials CD, Access to Conference Online Videos
• Standard Conference Attendee Package: $500 - Includes Get A Life.™ Conference, Cocktail Hour at Millenium Park Grill, FREE 1 Year Membership to Total Practice Management Association, Materials CD, Access to Conference Online Videos

*****

I just booked my plane tickets to Chicago for the Total Attorneys "Get a Life" conference.

It promises to be a great event, where you'll learn to "Run Your Practice Without Running Yourself into the Ground":

In this two-day workshop, you’ll learn how manage all the moving parts of a successful law practice and still have a life. But there’s one very important thing missing – you! One of the greatest challenges you have is making time for what’s personally important to you – your hobbies, friends and family.

There are great speakers on tap, including Gerry Riskin (@Riskin), Allison Shields (@allisonshields), Kevin O'Keefe (@kevinokeefe ) and Alexis Martin Neely (@alexisneely).

I'm really looking forward to this conference and I hope to see you there!