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Also on my wish list--the stupidity defense, but I digress:
Q: You say you are innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal the watch.
A: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.
Via Say What comes the following courtroom transcript:
From Judge Ralph H. Walton, Jr., of Granbury, 355th Judicial District), this excerpt “from the direct examination by the prosecutor in a recent driving-while-intoxicated case in [his] court in which the elderly, hard-of-hearing ‘Uncle Billy’ was called to testify.”
Q. Do you know Mr. Rinard?
Q. Rinard. He’s your neighbor.
A. Oh, yes.
Q. You might know him as Elias.
A. No, sir, he seems like a real respectable man.
Q. Not a liar, but Elias. Do you know his first name?
A. No, I don’t.
Q. You just know him as Mr. Rinard?
A. Actually, I know him as Mr. Bradshaw’s brother-in-law.
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