Crimes & Misdemeanors

There's criminal activity afoot and I'm here to tell you all about it:

• Maybe this guy should consider a new line of work--First he drops the keys to his van at the scene of the crime--then he locks himself in the house he was attempting to burglarize. 
• Police officers are your friends!--And they'd be more than happy to let you know that the burglary that you just committed was, in fact, a felony--if you'd just ask them like this genius did.
• Personally, I don't see a problem--If you happen to own a machete, you may as well use the damn thing. And, anyway, can you really blame him?  After all, the pizza was late.
• Criminal defense lawyers take note--DWI defense of the day--that's not alcohol you smell, occifer, it's cow manure.
• Another dangerous criminal back on the streets--Who knows how many innocent dogs will now be terrorized by her mean ol' faces?